It was one of those days where the weather couldn't decide what it wanted to be today. At the moment, it was overcast yet sticky and warm, so I decided to brave the walk to the next appointment wearing jeans and a tank top. Of course, as luck would have it, at the very moment I locked my door, the heavens opened. Glancing out of the window at the end of the corridor, I sighed. This was not starting off to bed a good day. I heard a faint sound, turning quickly. Mrs. Pringle came out of her door, with Custard following closely at her heels. She smiled broadly at me, good old Mrs. Pringle, always a smile, no matter what the weather was doing. I
If only I could tell you,
These words that I must hide.
If only I could tell you,
What it is I feel inside.
Then you'd know that I feel for you
I kid around, but what I say is true.
If only I could stop myself
Before I harm my soul
If only I could be myself
Then maybe I'd be whole
But it just can't be like that, I have to stay away
The self-afflicted pattern, my mind's corrupted sway.
If only I could learn
To keep my thoughts inside
If only I could learn
Then maybe I could hide
Never open up again and never say the words
Never have to worry just what you may have heard
If only I could find a way
A way to tell you things
If
You're never as alone… as when you're sitting in your flat in Avery Hill, staring at a laptop screen after spending meaningless hours playing a pointless game, only to give up and shut down, without even saving the game file.
You wish so much to have someone to talk to. It's ridiculous, you feel tears in the back of your eyes- but you won't cry. You're too… brave? Stubborn more like it. Mustn't weaken, mustn't show emotion. Save for anger. Anger keeps you safe. You pretend to dislike everyone and everything- what you don't like, can't hurt you.
Or can it?
You're hurt now. Hurt that nobody's called. Hurt that nobody's bothered to knock on y
The girl sighed, drumming her fingers absently against the mouse, staring at the unfeeling computer screen. She'd only just finished pouring her heart out to those cold, dead keys, and now she realised she didn't feel any better for it. She didn't feel worse, per se, just… hollow. Like it didn't even matter she was miserable. Did it matter? Not to anyone else, it seemed. Everyone just wanted her to adapt and get over it.
She wasn't an adaptable creature. She felt trapped, in her room, in her course, in her own grossly distorted body. Especially in her body. Eyesight failing, bitten down nails, and a BMI dangerously close to obesity. How she
Prologue
Taken from the Accords of the Virgin Goddess from the vaults in Acadia, written 5406
"And so it came to pass that the great GOD, he who shall remain nameless created the world- taking the essence of the Mother Universe and creating one thousand gods, his children. Of the thousand, there were the gods of the elements, the gods of the virtues and one. This one was not like the other gods; their realm was neither physical nor ethereal. This deity was the goddess of the chaste, the Virgin Goddess. While her brothers and sisters went out into the newly created world in order to recruit the transient, sentient souls of the mortals into
So what if I'm not pretty
So what if I'm not fair
So what if you don't like me
Do you you really think I care?
So what if my hair's long or short
So what if my eyes are blue
So what if I don't do as I ought
Does it really matter to you?
So what if I'm not clever
So what if I'm not bright
So what if I don't live forever
Do you have the damn right?
So what if it's all gone wrong
So what if I'm alone
So what if at times I want to die
Do you care if I'm unknown?
So what if my heart's broken
So what if he doesn't care
So what if I lie, unwoken
Do you even know I'm there?
So what is all I'll ever say
So what is all you'll hear
The mirror crack'd from side to side
These shards of me, too sharp to hide
This mirrored scorn reflects my face
A distorted image takes my place
And then inside, deception hides
A soul, carte blanche to victimise
A soul that is dying, a soul that is frail
Shattered and broken, a minor detail
Macabre swirls daub the walls
The music plays as the light falls
The song fades, turns into dust
As empty and helpless as purest lust
But that's where the difference lies
For one is real, the other, disguise
Look into the mirror deep
These eyes are dry, I cannot weep
Today I dream, today I cried
I cannot keep this pain inside
And though I suffer in my sleep
Still your secrets I will keep
Just for you, I shall be strong
And just for you, I'll do no wrong
With my strength, for you, I'll fight
There'll be no sleep this endless night
I'll keep my promise till the end
This life in tatters, I still must mend
I know my limits, I am weak
But sweet solace, I cannot seek
These precious moments time must thieve
Dream and lies, through haze perceive
The truth is buried deep inside
My shell in pieces, so I must hide
Hidden in darkness, life's cruel play
Dreaming and deceiving, in the wings I'll stay
These tortured words from pen and ink
Dream and truth provide the link
Life blood flows onto the pages
Sentiments expressed through ages
The struggling poet ends her life
The perfect poem of flesh to knife
Today I'll bleed, today I'll cry
This well of sorrow runs still and deep
I linger on in dreamless sleep
Tonight I'll cut, tonight I'll watch
Crimson droplets stain the sheets
I feel at ease, the circle is complete
Today I bled, today I cried
But tonight I know I'll die